OH GOOD, YOU FOUND MY WEBSITE!

WELCOME!!! THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE ON THE WEB WHERE YOU’LL FIND PURE, UNFILTERED GOBLINSKY. HERE YOU CAN PERUSE MY WONDERFUL LINE OF MERCHANDISE, LIKE MY VERY OWN BATHWATER, A STACK OF SELF-HELP BOOKS I DEFINITELY WROTE MYSELF, AND MY GRANDMOTHER’S SECRET RECIPE FOR TEQUILA-FILLED SUGAR COOKIES.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING:
“WHO IS GOBLINSKY?”
WELL FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM, I’M GENUINELY SHOCKED YOU TYPED WWW.GOBLINSKY.COM INTO YOUR SEARCH BAR. BUT HEY, BACK IN THE EARLY DAYS OF THE INTERNET, THAT’S HOW PEOPLE FOUND WEIRD STUFF. SO MAYBE YOU’RE JUST OLD-SCHOOL. I RESPECT THAT.

ANYWAY, THE NAME’S GOBLINSKY.
I’M A GOBLIN. I RAP. I LOVE TOE SOCKS. THE DETAILS OF MY BIRTH ARE… FUZZY. SOME SAY I CRAWLED OUT OF THE MUD ON A STORMY FRIDAY THE 13TH. OTHERS CLAIM I LAUNCHED OUT OF MY MOTHER DURING BIRTH AND LANDED IN A RADIOACTIVE BEDPAN. I MIGHT’VE EVEN HATCHED FROM AN EGG AND BEEN RAISED BY CHIMPS. WHO’S TO SAY? THE IMPORTANT THING IS: I’M HERE NOW. AND I’M READY TO PARTY.

MY MISSION IS SIMPLE:
TO MAKE EVERYONE EMBRACE THEIR INNER GOBLIN.

THE WORLD IS WEIRD, CRAZY, AND ON FIRE, BUT TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE PRETENDING EVERYTHING’S FINE. RIP OFF THE BLINDERS. EAT THE GUM YOU FIND ON THE SIDEWALK. LIVE HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE.
BECOME YOUR TRUE SELF. BECOME A GOBLIN.

YOUR PAL,
GOBLINSKY